remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
