why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
