I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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