It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
