You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
