Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish you could order shots online.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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