We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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