I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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