Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
