I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize