You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
