We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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