I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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