Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
