I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
