I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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