You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
