The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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