you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize