hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
