Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
