drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it was like eating out sand paper
i came on her dog
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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