so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
