she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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