no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
