I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
