I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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