Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
