is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
