just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When are your genitals available?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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