i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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