He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
