you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
