3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
