My hand turned me down
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
