He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
