He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
