you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Randomize
