Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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