He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
