Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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