I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
