I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
