I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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