JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
