Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
