Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
