One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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