I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
