haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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