just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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