We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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