I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize