Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
