do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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