the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
