Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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