and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
