she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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