It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
