did you get engaged???
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
