I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
