So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
