i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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