i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
