What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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