I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize