Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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