so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
