I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
